Assimilationist, Cis-Normative, Heteronormative

I’m an old woman married to another old woman. We share bohemian tastes that are wildly eclectic. Or maybe mildly eclectic and only out of step with current trends. We love and can speak of having read all the works of a wide variety of authors both fictional and historical. We have rooms filled with books, CDs, DVDs. We listen to Jazz, Texas singer/song writer, blues, Folk and Rock although most of the rock musicians we listen to go their start in the 1960s.

We like baseball and cats. We have three that we adore.

We live in an ethnically mixed working class neighborhood in a solidly Blue Dallas suburb. Some of our friends are raving Trumpers and yet we also know they put a great deal of time into Food Banks, animal rescue, feeding the homeless. Since my accident in late October straight friends who have politics we don’t share have given us food and helped with shopping.

After nearly half a century of estrangement from my family I am once again in contact with my brother, his family and many of my cousins and their families. It feels so good in a way I rarely feel these days in my dealings with with the ever expanding alphabet soup of what started out as the Gay community and felt like home until it went past LGBT.

I’m in mourning for one of my cousins who died of Covid last Thursday. I never physically met him as an adult and our relationship has been via social media. He was a Trump supporter. But he was also a biker with long white hair and full beard that made it to Santa length every December when he became a Biker Santa. He loved the outdoors and the northeast.

One of the first big Gay demonstrations I went to was one for Marriage Equality, way back in 1970. We fought against an amendment to the California Initiative that would have barred lesbians and gay men from teaching. We fought for inclusion in the mainstream.

My having had sex reassignment surgery was so long ago that my pussy is eligible for its own AARP Card. Trans-visibility Day? If you are reading this post then I am visible as a post-transsexual woman. If not I don’t see the point in going over 50 year old medical history. Being born transsexual was what it was. I dealt with it. Most of my concerns are the same as those of elder cis-women.

I honestly don’t understand the whole thing of Gender Non-Binary. I’m an old hippie woman married to another old woman who sort of pre-dates hippie. I read Simone de Beauvoir’s “The Second Sex”, plus all the second wave feminist books. I don’t think of gender as something concrete and definitely not something that can be described as binary. People who describe it as such are speaking in a different language, a form of academic new-speak that doesn’t seem real to me. I see gender not in terms of male or female/man or woman but rather in terms of masculine and feminine.

I know that to the trans-activists of today that makes me a heretic. I don’t care. The labels titling this post are probably true to your vision of me. The part of the alphabet soup of a community I’m demographically a part of is made up of elders too, and maybe a lot of young people who care about many of the same things I care about.

Identity divisions don’t allow for people who are complex with diverse histories and interests. I swear centering on “identity” often seems closely related to the Jim Crow Era “One-drop” bullshit.

Twenty-five years ago Andrew Sullivan wrote “Virtually Normal” and Urvashi Vaid wrote “Virtual Equality”, two different views of the Stonewall era activists actually winning the things we had fought for.

I’m old. I love my wife, our cats, my relatives, our circle of friends. I finally found a religion that fills my elder spiritual needs. We watch baseball, PBS, Maine Cabin Builders and cooking shows. We binge on Netflix and Prime. NPR is one of the stations on our car radio’s speed select.

Those terms I used to title this piece are slurs from the woke crowd. The same people who put me down for being triggered by the Q-word.

3 Responses to “Assimilationist, Cis-Normative, Heteronormative”

  1. Karen Says:


    I missed it… What happened to you in October? Hope you both are OK.

    BTW speaking about the years… It’s been about 25 years since our first on-line contact… Time does fly.

    I still live in the same house with the same spouse, and still working… Though the working part is likely to change involuntarily soon I think.

    Take Care,

    • Suzan Says:

      I was by myself and it was a really bad accident. I wound up with a compression fracture of 3 vertebrae and I am very lucky not to have wound up paralyzed. I am still recovering.

      • Karen Says:

        Glad it was not worst… Hope you have a full recovery and Tina is taking good care of you!


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