I’ll confess something that many consider to be something icky. I have always been kiki.
That is to say I have always been sexually attracted to other TS/TG women. While I am at it I confess to being attracted to quite a few brothers too.
Over the years I’ve watched a number of my sisters deny any element of attraction to other sister yet they have formed their closest and most intimate bonds with one another.
Why do so many of us have such a hard time to admitting this?
Tina and I are rather open about loving each other. Yet we have known other sisters who have lived together, including the same bed for years, yet they deny being lovers.
Why do we act as though a loving relationship with another TS/TG person is somehow a second class relationship? An inauthentic version of a lesbian relationship…
I was pre-op when I had my first relationship with a sister. She identified more as a queen than as transsexual. She taught me how to negotiate my way through sexual relations as a pre-op, how to say what I was or wasn’t okay with doing.
Shortly after my SRS I fell in love with another sister, also a pre-op. She was very strung out on downers and kept over dosing. She was also incredibly wild and I was fortunate enough to be able to photograph her and document part of her tragic life. When she died her parents buried her as a boy.
I realized I didn’t fall in love with people’s genitals, that indeed their genitals rarely played a part in why I was attracted to them.
I like quirkiness, wit, intelligence and a lust for life.
I found myself looking for those traits in others. I was also attracted to people who were physically like myself in some way.
My sisters found this weird.
But sex is sex… only delusional people believe they have discovered a new or novel way of doing it.
Affection, love… Now that is a much deeper topic.
I’ve had relationships with cis-sex/gender people. I hate the routine of having to explain. I hate having to feel defensive of my authenticity, as though my realness can be canceled at any moment.
I believe it is only ethical to realize other TS/TG people have the same sorts of feelings I have, therefore I shouldn’t go around playing HBS Troll games of “I’m real and you are not.”
One thing I learned over the years is that self-esteem comes from within. So does authenticity. It isn’t gained by challenging the authenticity of others.
I also learned there are homogender relationships that some might consider heterosexual due to the genitals involved. As well as heterogender relationships that might be considered homosexual for the same reason.
So what is it that makes lesbian TS/TG women uncomfortable about partnering with another sister?
Why do we feel more valid partnering with a cis-person than another trans-person?
What does that say about us?
Further if we see other trans-people as somehow undesirable or unattractive how can we expect others to find us attractive?