Thoughts on TS/TG Regreters Who Blame Doctors

Time to call Bullshit.

Yes there are people who detransition, people who start transitioning and realize it is not for them or that they don’t actually want SRS and are happy with their original genitals.

There are people who go back and forth over a life time, sometimes due to family dynamics, sometime due to the inability to pass and survive as a member of the sex they would prefer to be.

These people are not the problem.

Further as ultimately sad as the story may be neither are the people who detransition and/or can’t handle transition and commit suicide.

If anyone bears some measure of responsibility for those people it might be those who paint too rosy a picture of the joys of transition without pointing out the hardships that too often accompany transition.

In the late 1960s and early 1970s many transsexuals encountered their first psychiatric screening after being accepted into a surgery program.

In 1969 I spoke with a clinical social worker for about a half hour prior to having a doctor hand me hormones. This social worker spent most of his time telling me about social services I could access and the process of changing sex.

I also saw Dr. Benjamin.  I had been on hormones about four months or so and had been full time for about a month or so.  When he first met me he asked why I had come to see him.  I told him I was transsexual and wanted to have a sex change operation.  He looked confused and asked, “Why would a lovely young woman like you want to become a man?”

He went on to tell me how I was a perfect candidate for SRS, one of the most flawless transsexuals he had ever met.

Then…

Here it comes…

I would still have to live as a woman for at least a year before he would even consider writing a surgery recommendation for me.

I was young and pretty and caused gender identification problems for people trying to figure out what sex I was prior to my coming out.  Passed effortlessly and the most trusted doctor in the world at the time, the authority on transsexualism, first tells me how flawless I am, then tells me I still had to do at least a year long “Real Life Test”.

When I was in the Stanford Program there was a sister, who the people at Stanford considered their perfect Transsexual, a role model for the rest of us.  She had been married to a woman and fathered two lovely children.  She was still with her wife and children, employed as a highly trained professional, respected in her field.

A few years later there was a horrible accident involving her family that threw her life into utter chaos and nearly cost her and her wife parental rights to raise their children.  She wound up detransitioning.

Another person, who had SRS claimed it was all a mistake, sued the doctors and threatened Dr. Laub’s life.

Now people are required to follow the rules called the Standards of Care.

These rules require a far more extensive psychiatric work up than people of my generation were required to undergo.

The regreters  who blamed the doctors and sued are a contributing factor regarding this requirement.

So all TS/TG people have to pay for the bad judgement of a few people who may have been caught up in some strange “gender euphoria” and got carried away.

The problem is that people lie.  People self deceive while caught up in this weird “gender euphoria” and imagine these perfect lives they are going to have.

I had to sign a medical release prior to SRS that warned me of every possible problem they thought might arise.  I had to have a lawyer there to make certain I understood what I was signing.

I imagine the medical consent form is far longer today after so many of the doctors we depend upon have been sued by the regreters.

The tragic few regreters, who have made life much more difficult for the majority of transsexual people, perhaps it is time to turn the microscope upon them.

It isn’t hair.  If you get something cut off it isn’t going to grow back like an octopus who has lost part of a tentacle.

If you lie to the doctor you might well be able to deceive them.  Even sisters and brothers who have been around TS/TG people for many years are deceived by the liars who have taken the stories of others and woven them into a believable autobiography.

No one dealing with TS/TG people ever promises a rose garden.  They became disillusioned many years ago and stopped having fantasies of our having easy lives sometime in the mid-1970s.

If you get involved with some sort of insanely homophobic/transphobic religion and decide the surgery was a mistake,go to an Atheist for religious deprogramming, before going to a fucking lawyer to sue the doctor, who operated on you in good faith, based on the information you gave him/her.

Take some personal responsibility.  Stop blaming other people if you lied and deceived your way into getting SRS.  It is your own damned fault.  Own it.

People subjected you to the Standards of Care.  If you bypassed them you took the same sort of risk a person takes sky diving without lessons or training.  If it works out great, if it doesn’t you are the one who played fast and loose with measures that were put in place to help prevent you from making a mistake.

You are the one who made the mistake.  You are the one who has to live it.

5 Responses to “Thoughts on TS/TG Regreters Who Blame Doctors”

  1. True Admirer Says:

    It’s only going to get worse because the APA is recommending reducing the Standards of Care.

    • Suzan Says:

      It wasn’t worse before the institution of the rigid standards of care. Further people have always had alternatives that didn’t practice any standards of care. Including the infamous Dr. Brown and some Dr.s in Thailand.

      The most problematic factor seems to be crazy religions. Deprogram those that got involved with crazy religions and a major source of the problem goes away.

      In the case of this doctor in GB, if the regreter got involved in radical feminism the same rule applies.

      Often times there are other factors like family.

      But the simple truth is that there is no way to weed out liars. Strict SOC or lax SOC some people will lie their way through.

      They should not be permitted to sue. Society’s reaction should be, “No one held a gun to your head, you sought this out, you live with the consequences.”

      Sort of like getting a tattoo.

      As for the sterility. Tough shit. There are too many people on the planet and sterility is common enough.

    • Toni Says:

      Not really… Regret is a self-fulfilling prophecy under the Standards of Care and/or any regime, because SEEDS OF REGRET FLOURISH IN SOIL OF “I didn’t do it the ‘right way’ and ‘they’ failed to protect me.”

      Argentina does it right: Need counseling? Get counseling. Need HRT? Get HRT. Need surgery? Get surgery. Need legal name and gender change? Get legal name and gender change. Everything is on you, because you are responsible for every step of transition taken or not taken, and responsibility cuts regret off at the pass.

      Basically: no gatekeepers, no one to blame, no problem, no regret.

  2. Natasha Says:

    While I did not have to have a lawyer present, the only documents I ever had to initial and sign more than my SRS paperwork were for my mortgages (some people regret buying their houses and blame the bank for loaning them the money).

    Here’s the thing. At no juncture in any of my treatment was there ever an official promise of happiness. My transitional care team never said “HRT is going to make you happy.” This is not to say I did not hear this from other trans people along the way. To hear some talk (and maybe me in the early euphoric days), the pills were a ticket to Rainbowland,and each one came with a ride on a flying unicorn. My surgeon never indicated that SRS would make me happy. He never promised contentment or a better life. The paperwork was clear about the potential downsides, but never indicated any kind of benefit except that the result would be a vagina where there was not one before.

    If happiness doesn’t result from all the hard work of transition… If being a woman (or a man) isn’t the panacea for all one’s woes that one hoped it would be… Then it is only the fault of the person for allowing the thought that it would to become some kind of official truth and not realizing the Buddha was right in his assessment that life is suffering. All we can do is look for ways to suffer less and look to ourselves and what we do, how we act… and take responsibility for our actions and decisions.

    And stop suing others for not telling us not to do things.

  3. Happygirl Says:

    Oh so sad. I have met a few regretters and regretted it. I never regretted what I did back in the 70’s but sadly my story was similar to others who got involved with a religious group. I went through a very traumatic experience prior to getting involved with the dogmatic church group and was extremely vulnerable, they convinced me to detransition and so I did but not happily, I still felt the same inside as I always did. After 18 years I could not stand it anymore and knew I had to be myself and retransitioned, once again happy but older and wiser. I have little tolerance for those who wish to blame others for their demise, Responsibility is important and I see so much finger pointing and blame shifting it makes me feel like I want nothing to do with the trans communities anymore. Because I’m an older person now I’m told by younger ones that I’m old school and know nothing, for some reason people who don’t even know me judge me and want to throw me into the same basket as others who live in the past. All my friends who actually know me know that I am one who has embraced the changes in the trans communities and am a huge supporter of the diversity amoung us. How long will this critical thinking continue? I know so many wonderful trans folk who are just honest, good people and just get on with their lives happily, it seems the unhappy ones are those who like to participate in the blame game and blame even those who didn’t do anything to upset anyone.


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