Advertisers Think Women are Stupid

From World Wide Hippies:

By Diana May Waldman
2012 May 29

I had a nightmare last night. I was walking down the street in my tight, white pants and this big red ball was chasing me. Not only was it chasing me, it wanted to land on my crotch. You know–white pants, big red splotch on my crotch. Nothing screams louder than a big red splotch on your pants to let the world know that you are bleeding like a dead pig. And we all know that this could have been prevented if we had used Tampax brand tampons instead of Playtex brand tampons.

Just like the grocery store, we can have our choice of paper or plastic…as in applicators. Okay–so admit it, those plastic applicators pinch sometimes with that pretty, little pink claw on the end and they are bad for the environment.

Anyway-I am digressing. My point is–THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A HAPPY PERIOD!

Nothing like sitting on the couch in your sweatpants, bag of chips in one hand and a candy bar in the other, trying not to think about the huge zit on your chin, all while chugging a beer in hopes of calming your cramps.

Then comes those commercials for stretch mark cream, hair color, mascara that will give you thicker lashes–and Holy Shit, there is that big red ball and the chick in the white pants–I want to bitch slap that smile off her face–and why is she running the beach acting all happy and secure and pretending she doesn’t want to rip someone’s head off? Yeah, because she really isn’t on her period and we all know it!

Just as I am sucking the piece of lime out of my bottle of beer–Jamie Lee Curtis comes on and is basically telling middle aged women that if we don’t eat two or three containers of yogurt a day, then we can’t shit. Look–it’s the not the chocolate that is constipating me…I don’t have time to shit, okay? And quit putting my business out there.

And really Jamie, how come there is never a constipated guy sucking down that stuff? What are you trying to say, that only women are full of shit? How about barging into the marketing board room, where the real tight asses are?

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