From Pre-Op to Property or How SRS Changes Relationships

Like many transkids who come out young I had a boyfriend, a man I loved deeply and who I leaned on for emotional support during a couple of years prior to my getting SRS and a year after while I was recovering.

We broke up about a year after I had SRS.

It seems as though just about every single younger sister I knew who was in a committed relationship with a man saw that relationship end after SRS.

Now conventional wisdom was that our partners were secretly gay and they couldn’t handle our having pussies.

I think part of this thinking bleeds over into the profile of “trannie chasers”.  But, I don’t think it is necessarily the case because most of our boyfriends weren’t trannie chasers and tended to wind up with WBW girlfriends..

Now some may have exoticized us (Not eroticized as Julia Serano would have it but rather a different issue) in the same sort of model placed on women from non-white, non-Christian, non-American women.  The idea that we tried harder in our femininity.  Maybe we did in our insecurity regarding what we thought was expected of us by the gate keepers.  Or maybe it was simply a phase we were going through…

But anyhow the way things went down many of us broke up.  Perhaps it was the working together that had been part of the glue that held us together.

But I suspect there may well have been something else.  You see I have the perspective of the years and the good fortune to have watched a number of people go through the surgery.

Second Wave feminism may have attacked the idea of women as property but the ephemeral idea still lives.  After SRS we are new people, whole for the first time in our lives and many if not most of us aren’t ready to become property.  So along with getting rid of the physical parts we shed our partners of before and try to find someone or something new in life that doesn’t have the baggage of having been with us before.

All too often the thought in our minds say, “They were with us when they must be gay.”

Or perhaps we are thinking about trying our new wings and flying instead of settling in to the role of wife and becoming the exclusive property of someone we knew before.

Whatever…  We are most often the ones that do the things that end the relationship.

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Feminist Majority Foundation - Equality around the world

Dear Suzanne,

Tell CBS That This Is No Time to Feed the Hatred of Anti-Abortion Extremists!

Send an email to CBS to stop the stread of anti-abortion hatred.

Tell Friend(s) that CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion ad during the Super Bowl game.

Even as the trial continues for the murder of Dr. George Tiller, CBS is planning to air an anti-abortion ad during this weekend’s Super Bowl game.

Tell CBS that this is no time to feed the anger and hatred of anti-abortion extremists.

CBS has a stated policy to reject all ads it deems controversial, including ads from, PETA, and even the United Church of Christ, which dared to suggest that their church would model tolerance (“Jesus Didn’t Turn People Away. Neither Do We”).

In fact, CBS execs told the United Church of Christ that CBS rejects any ad that “touches on and/or takes a position on one side of a current controversial issue of public importance.”

Although the ad itself is secret, Focus on the Family’s own publicity indicates that it will “take a position on one side of a current controversial issue.”  The ad reportedly focuses on quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother, alleging that Tebow’s mother was urged to have an abortion for medical reasons but did not. The implicit suggestion that pregnant women whose health is at risk shouldn’t worry because nothing bad will happen is downright dangerous, even if the story is true.

The Super Bowl audience, one of the largest of any event, spans all ages and political positions, and should not be used to promote an anti-abortion message.

And why would CBS promote a clearly controversial message from Focus on the Family? That organization uses their millions to promote discrimination based on gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs – they even ran a campaign before the 2008 elections equating the U.S. with Nazi Germany!

Tell CBS that using the public airwaves to promote an anti-abortion message will lose the network both respect and business.

For Equality,

Ellie Smeal

Kim Gandy
Vice President

1600 Wilson Boulevard, Suite 801, Arlington, VA, 22209 | 703.522.2214 |

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Coalition of Progressive Organizations Demand CBS Pull Divisive Anti-Choice Super Bowl Ad

January 26, 2010 (New York, NY) – The Women’s Media Center and united organizations dedicated to reproductive rights, tolerance, and social justice have launched a campaign calling CBS to immediately pull an anti-choice advertisement sponsored by Focus on the Family to air during Super Bowl XLIV.

CBS has a well-documented history of prohibiting advocacy ads it deems controversial, rejecting ads from organizations such as PETA,, United Church of Christ, and even ones that carry only an “implicit” endorsement for a side in a public debate. Last year, NBC made the prudent decision to not air anti-choice messages during the Super Bowl. CBS executives have indicated in the past that they would not air Super Bowl ads where “substantial elements of the community (are) in opposition to one another.”

Focus on the Family is an organization well-known for opposing the equality of Americans based on gender, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, and reproductive freedom. This ad uses one story to subtly dictate morality to the American public, and encourages women to disregard medical advice, potentially putting their lives at risk. Abortion is a controversial issue and anti-abortion vitriol has resulted in escalated violence against reproductive health service providers and their patients.

“An ad that uses sports to divide rather than to unite has no place in the biggest national sports event of the year – an event designed to bring Americans together regardless of background, faith, ideology or political affiliation,” says Jehmu Greene, President of the Women’s Media Center.

The ad goes against the approximately 70 percent majority American view that reproductive decisions should be left up to a woman and her physician; against the decision by the U.S. Supreme Court that such decisions are protected by a constitutionally guaranteed right to privacy; and against the health needs of the 1 in 3 American women who will need an abortion at sometime in her life.

American values of privacy and freedom should be respected, not undermined during the Super Bowl. CBS must take action now, by canceling the airing of Focus on the Family’s anti-choice ad.

To speak with WMC President Jehmu Greene, or to book other experts on health reform, health care politics, or women’s reproductive rights, please contact Rebekah Spicuglia, (212) 563-0680,

Coalition partners signed onto the letter to CBS include: Abortion Access Project, ACCESS/Women’s Health Rights Coalition, Women, Action & the Media, Advocates for Youth, Alternet, By Any Media Necessary, California Council of Churches IMPACT, CAMI project, Choice USA, Civil Liberties and Public Policy (CLPP)/Hampshire College, Equality Now, Feminist Majority Foundation (FMF), Feminist Press,

HollabackNYC, Ibis Reproductive Health, Law Students for Reproductive Justice, MAMAPALOOZA!, Media Equity Collaborative, Medical Students for Choice!, Ms. Foundation, New Prospect Family Praise and Worship Center, National Organization for Women (NOW), NOW-NYC, OpEd Project, Physicians for Reproductive Choice and Health, Religious Institute, RH Reality Check, Sisterhood is Global, Inc, The White House Project, Third Wave Foundation, Women, Action & the Media (WAM!), Women In Media & News, Women’s Information Network (WIN).

About the Women’s Media Center: The Women’s Media Center is a non-profit organization making women visible and powerful in the media. Its women’s health care campaign is working to ensure that health care is fair, safe, and accessible to all.

Please visit to learn more about our work.

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