Reprinted with permission
Lisa Jain Thompson
Sunday, 02 August 2009 20:00
Fairfax, VA, USA.Suzan Cooke has a fine column that reports on talks she had with her mother after it became obvious to her mother that she had a son who was really her daughter. Her mother said it was a talk that she never expected to make and that she was not sure how to make it, but talk she did. [N1] Suzie’s column contains a lot of motherly wisdom.
She was a fine Mom who recognized that her transkid daughter, like all daughters, needed some advice and guidance if she were to make it through life. Dealing with men is a learned skill, not one we are born with. You can read Suzan’s column for the details.
Suzie got me to thinking: what about the things Mom never told you about SRS and your life after full transition? [N2] I thought about that; what follows are the Things Momma Never Told You Before You Transitioned (undoubtedly, there are more, but these lists traditionally stop at ten – perhaps it has something to do with the human attention span).
10. Women need more underwear than men do.
The female reproductive system, however, leaks like a sieve. The vagina of a woman born transsexual is self-cleansing, shedding skin and secretions that have nowhere to go but downhill into the panties. The labia are also self-lubricating and, combining with the Cowper’s fluid that appears when a woman born transsexual is aroused, and the vaginal flow, everything eventually ends up in the panties. [N3]
The bottom line is that a woman born transsexual, like every other woman in the United States, will change her panties more often than a man will change his underwear. There is a reason that women buy more underpants than men do.
Bet your mother never told you that.
And, while you are at it, you might want to ask her about “date night” bras and panties.
9. The relationship of white tops and bottoms to beige.
In general, women’s clothes are made of thinner material than that of the corresponding man’s apparel. Blouses are thinner, shorts are thinner. White blouses and shorts may almost be see through.
Contrary to common sense, a white bra shows through a white blouse. Likewise, while white panties show through white shorts, colorful panties fairly shout through white shorts.
I will not tell you that good girls do not let their underwear show through, but I will tell you that professional women don’t let their bra and panties show unless they are working girls. Madonna offstage dresses much more demurely than when she is performing on stage.
The solution: a beige bra or panties normally will not show through white. Don’t ask why, just wear beige (I think it has something do with matching skin tone so pick the right shade of beige – unless, of course, you really think your skin is white).
But if you want to be a slut, go ahead and wear whatever you want. Just remember, your mother would be much happier if you wore beige.
8. The air conditioning effect.
This is simple: nipples erect, air conditioning or the cold erects them. Accept it as a fact of life. Unless your intention is to advertize your sexuality, I suggest you wear a bra that minimizes the air conditioning effect.
Just don’t blame the guys if they are staring at your breasts. The younger the guy is, the more involuntary the stare.
Even though men’s nipples can also erect, they are not attached to a female breasts so hardly anyone ever takes notice.
7. Hormone fluctuations.
Try as you may, there will be fluctuations in your hormone regimen. Some will occur because of fluctuations in your internal neurobiology; others will be caused by mail delivery delays.
If I run out of hormones, my temper gets short. If I am out for more that 48-72 hours, the hormone drop in my body triggers migraines. Then there is the matter of period water retention – what the hell is going on there?
Compared to the relatively steady state of the male body, a woman’s body is a regular roller-coaster of hormone activity. When I was injecting estradiol into my body, the two week dose would last about ten days. I found myself suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) every two weeks that would only end when I had the next hormone injection.
Took me four or five months, maybe more, before I figured out what was going on. Knowledge, however, did not make the PMS go away and I eventually learned to live with it.
6. Pap smears, mammograms, and discharges after sex or dilation.
A woman born transsexual has annual Pap smears like any other woman. If you think you were vulnerable in a gymnasium shower, just wait until the doctor tells you to put your feet in the stirrups and slide down.
- You might feel a little discomfort.
Here’s a hint: choose a woman doctor. They have smaller hands and can emphasize with your situation.
Regular mammograms are also a necessity. If you are a masochist, you might like getting a mammogram; if you are a sadist, you might like giving them.
Imagine squeezing a large grapefruit flat until it was only a few inches thick and then telling the grapefruit not to move for what seems like an eternity.
And, as mentioned up above, in the discussion about a woman’s need for clean panties, the semen from heterosexual intercourse has to go some place. Gravity wins again and a woman’s panties are the eventual beneficiary unless she wishes it to ooze down her thighs afterwards. (If you are at home, there are other ways of dealing with spent sperm. If you are in a car … )
Mamma never told us there’d be days like this: depending on your enthusiasm during sexual intercourse, there might be bloody vaginal discharge for a few hours to a few days afterwards. The regular vaginal dilation required of women born transsexual who cannot find a willing penis may also cause bleeding for the same reasons.
Have some feminine napkins available for those days or you might ruin your panties and whatever else you might be wearing.
5. The difference between how a lesbian hits on you and how a straight man hits on you.
The straight man may ask your name, introduce himself, and ask if he could buy you a drink.
The lesbian may ask your name, introduce herself, and ask if she could buy you a drink.
The lesbian is the one with the breasts.
4. The perils of accepting a second drink.
The general rule is you can accept one drink from anyone. You are just being neighborly as they say.
If you accept a second drink, your benefactor might believe you are agreeing to more than a simple drink.
If you accept a third drink, and then a fourth, you probably will be in no state to object to anything that might be proposed.
Although God may have created alcohol so reluctant women would have an excuse to say yes, you can maintain control of the situation by never accepting the second drink. There is a word for women who lead men on, a word we all learned on the playground.
Even your mother knows the word: cockteaser. All in all, it is better to be a cocksucker than a cockteaser, but it’s your life and your choice.
3. Drag Queens wanting to give your face a make-over.
If you are half way attractive at all, you will meet professional Drag Queens wanting to do your make-up, preferably in the theatrical style they favor. I’m not making this up – I had a standing offer to have a Drag Queen make-over.
But look around you: actual women don’t wear make-up like that. Even on a formal night, a woman’s make-up is normally more subdued than even the dullest of Drag Queens. If you aren’t acting on stage, working a runway or a red carpet, keep your make-up toned down.
As your mother would say, you don’t want to look like a hooker, do you?
So please, if you would, beware of Drag Queens bearing make-up.
2. What do if you discover your support group has been taken over by transgenders and crossdressers.
Leave. They don’t really want to talk to women born transsexual anyway except to say they’re just like us.
So leave. They’ll soon be looking for another transsexual support group to infiltrate anyway.
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOUR MOTHER DIDN’T TELL YOU
1. How to tell the difference between a transgender and a crossdresser.
This is fairly straight forward and not difficult once you learn.
The transgender will want to spend all their time talking about their personal narrative and how they fit in all the details.
The crossdresser will want to talk about make-up and glamour photos – how they apply their pots and brushes and asking your opinion on how they look in their photos.
- Narratives: you’re talking to a transgender (or at best, a gender theorist).
- Make-up and Glamour Photos: you’ve been cornered by a crossdresser.
In either case, your mother would tell you to proceed at your own risk.
] The Mother-Daughter Talk Every Transkid and Her Mom Should Have.
Suzanne Cooke. TS-Si.org
(29 July 2009).
[N2] Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS), also known as Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) in other of the former British Colonies and some planetary upside down places.
[N3] The Cowper’s (bulbourethral) is a small exocrine gland (one of two) in the reproductive system of human males. They are homologous to Bartholin’s glands in females. The gland is named after William Cowper, FRS (c.1666 – 8 March 1709), an English surgeon and anatomist, for his initial description.
Following Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) [N2], the elimination of testosterone production and the administration of female hormones, the normal processes of tissue exchange migrate the male structures toward the female form.