Being a Rebelious Subject: Questioning Being Treated as an Experiment

I am a sentiant human being.  With thoughts and feelings, emotions and the agency to act as a free person.

My pleasures and passions are my own.  If they seem a wee tad off to others perhaps that is not due to some innate warpedness but rather due to something never ever questioned.

The feminist Adrienne Rich called that something “compulsory heteronormativity”.  Tina posed the question :  “Do we see as abuse those child rearing practices that most see as normal?”

Those of us born with Transsexualism were attcked by some other intersex people for not having been experimented on.  It is true most of us were not subjected to infant surgical assigning of sex and University Medical Center research follow up.

But we were the subjects of expeimentation none the less.  Sometimes conducted by professionals and more often by parents and schools.  Knowing or not the attempts at curing our transsexualism are abuse aimed at heteronormatizing us.  We grow up as experiments.

Dr. Richard Green wrote a book about his exercising reparative therapy on transkids.  It is titled “The Sissy Boy Syndrome”.  It reads as if straight from NARTH, one almost expects quotes from Socrides, Nicolosi and Cameron in his work.  For the record this is the same Dr. Richard Green who co-edited Transsexualism and Sex Reassignment with Dr. John Money.

We were so hungry for treatment and the research centers were often the only places to get SRS in reasonable safety of an accredited hospital that we agreed to be part of what Dr. Robert Stoller himself subtitled his second volume of Sex and Gender, “The Transsexual Experiment”.

We agreed to take their tests, tobe photographed in before and after pictures. I didn’t say shit when, as a recent post-op I gota vaginal infection that they hadn’t seen in post-SRS women before and Dr Laub proceeded to parade some two dozen medical student/residents into the exam room to look at my cunt with my feet in the sturrups.

After all transsexuals aren’t human beings with feelings, we are experimental test subjects.

I filled out the tests, the MMPIs and the multiple choice ones that never had answers like:  “I identify as a radical feminist.” or “I am a lesbian separatist.”  My biggest dream might be smashing the oppressive imperialist state and fomenting a socialist revolution.  But they never asked me about that.

Their expectations for me as their experimental test subject seemed more along the lines that I would adopt the heteronormative behavior patterned  of the mythical 1950s advertising world.  Middle class and heterosexually married.  A stretch for any working class girl born into a union family with pinkish if not red daipers.

So I rebelled and I told the truth.  They can’t handle the truth.  I used as a referent the film “Bladerunner” and told them I felt like Trish, the self-aware replicant and was angry about how I felt they were using us.

And using us they were.  They discouraged us from hanging out with others like ourselves.  Belittled the idea that we could be the ones taking care of our own.

We were cowed into not sharing our stories, for not talking about how impossible and insecure legal institutions made our lives when our marriages depended on the whims of ultra right wing judges appointed for their adherence to Taliban religious principles

Now in our fight against the pathologizing of our being the stories about Zucker, Bailey, Blanchard, Lawrence and all the others are coming out.  Their defense is that people born with transsexualism can not be trusted to tell the truth about having been abuse in being used as experimental test subjects.

Yet there are so many stories and we have read so many lies and some of us who are autodidacts have read their research and not only the textual readings but we have deconstructed the jargon, read the subtexts of bigotry and sadistic manipulation of us as subjects that we have passed judgment and we have decided among ourselves that they are the ones whose honesty bears questioning.

Their combined expertise is the result of cruel and often vicious abuse of transkids and adults born transsexual.

We are on the march now and removal of GID from the DSM is but the first step.

Many of us also demand justice for those who were abused the worst by these so called experts in these temples of “Science”.

No Justice, No Peace!

One Response to “Being a Rebelious Subject: Questioning Being Treated as an Experiment”

  1. Ariablue Says:

    They hadn’t seen it in a post-op before? Lol, do they think there is something magical that makes one wet hole different from another? I had a discussion about this very subject with my doctor, and she said “That’s strange, I wouldn’t think to see that in a neo-vagina. That’s something I usually see in women of color.” and I told her “it’s just a warm, dark, moist place, why WOULDN’T flora like that grow in there?” She laughed and said “I guess you’re right, here’s your prescription”. Grrr, like my body is some kind of slum tenaments that aren’t good enough for ‘real’ women’s germs to move into.

    Doctors have a really strange mindset, and I think sometimes it precludes common sense. Having a bunch of dorks plodding through your room like that is humiliating, and makes you feel sub-human. I’m sorry that happened. 😦


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