Things Not to say to a Former Transkid

It is really rude and negates what were very often very hard lives that included periods of doing sex work to tell someone who came out at 20 or so in the 1950s, 1960s, 1970s or even later that it was impossible to do so.  Or to tell them there was no information available and then argue with them when they say they found such information in magazines and libraries in very small towns.

Telling people like us that it was impossible just because you didn’t or couldn’t does not mean ordinary working class transkids of all races didn’t.

It was possible because we weren’t all that extraordinary and we did it.

Want to see us get angry? Argue with us that it was impossible.  For if it was impossible as you say then it negates our lived lives and our history and replaces that vital history with a mythology that is a lie.

4 Responses to “Things Not to say to a Former Transkid”

  1. Karen A Says:

    When a late transitioner says it was impossible back then what they usual really mean, is that it was impossible for them (or people similar to them or their situation) or believed they could to do it and survive or succeed in being anything but a freak. yourself have talked about how many of your contemporaries did not survive.

    Most people’s universe centers around themselves after all and what i heard in this case it seems to be happening from BOTH sides. Both sides are talking from their lived experience… which is unique to them, and assuming the same things true were true about the other’s situation.

    If it was not “written on the body” (to borrow a phrase 😉 ) there was less punishment for NOT transitioning and everybody has their own emotional makeup, tolerance for pain, ability to risk take, degree of introversion or extroversion, different situations at home etc.

    I am one who firmly believes I could not have done it and survived never mind do it successfully when young even though I “knew” as a child. I believed back then it was not possible for me, and still believe that now that back then it was not.

    All that said, I have some idea of your hot buttons, so I would would be very careful how I expressed that around you even before you posted that. 😉

    – Karen

  2. tinagrrl Says:

    Karen, if I recall correctly, you NEVER said it was flat out impossible for anyone, just that it was not possible for you.

    I’m in the very same place.

    What Suzy is upset about are those who claim it was impossible to get information, impossible to find any sort of support, impossible for ANYONE to do “it”.

    In addition, there are those who promote the fiction that only “natural beauty wonders”, or narrowly straight girls were allowed to transition and have surgery.

    The complaint is against those who make their personal situation a universal.

    Suzy has always said that a turn here, a turn there, and her coming out might well have been delayed — that’s very different from claiming you or I could or should have done “it” — because others did.

    I don’t think the argument is directed at either you or me.

  3. Suzan Says:

    If they mean impossible for them then they should say that because obviously lots of people did it at a time when they claim it couldn’t be done.

    Is it so freaking hard to admit being afraid of becoming a total social pariah? I mean it is a reasonable thing to fear considering all the loud mouthed bigots out there.

  4. Karen A Says:

    My point was more about people in general than about myself. We all tend to see and judge and understand the world through the lense of our own experiences.

    And I think that is the cause of a lot of friction between people in general.

    In this case a lot of late transitioners have never met or interacted in person with an early transitioner who is now around their age. If they are not on the net the odds are they have never interacted with one at all.

    Heck the only one I have ever even knowingly SEEN in 3D is “Emma” (She did it in grad school though so was not exactly a kid then) and I am not exactly a newbie.

    – Karen

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