Limits to Empathy

A few years ago I wrote something on Transtheory that I titled “Mean Teen Queens and the Mothras”

When I first came out I was what 1960s queens and pre-op transsexuals called a “natural beauty wonder”.  This meant it took zero effort on my part to look female and that my body language as well as actions were naturally feminine without the exaggeration or effort so many put into it.

I caused many sisters a good deal of jealousy.  Basically they were trying so hard and I was just a Berkeley hippie chick with a deserter boyfriend who had never been in prison.

When I started working at the office I met other girls like myself.  Early 20s, who fit in any place we went.

We weren’t chained to the Tenderloin trannie ghetto.  And no we didn’t want to drag the strange looking sisters, who we might have given sincere advice to in the office or in group sessions with us when we went out clubbing or for that matter shopping.

We wanted to be ordinary young women when we left the context of the office.

This meant we didn’t want to be glommed onto by a Mothra (A 1950  Japanese movie monster)  when we were out at a club on a Saturday night  looking to have a good time partying.

They thought we were mean.  The reality was we had our boundaries and they were the ones doing the border violations.  We showed professional empathy when it was appropriate in the context of the office but we also had our civilian lives and didn’t party with people we were counseling.

Empathy doesn’t mean lying to people to make them think something that isn’t real.  Empathy doesn’t mean letting someone make demands that are unreasonable.