A Couple of Words in Defense of Heterosexual CDs

I have plenty of issues regarding the weekend warriors, the dress up for Tri-Ess CDs.  Some of those issues have to do with their never contributing time or money to support the transactivist but demanding that these same activists include them in any hate crimes or anti-discrimination bills.  This is even harder than including those who live 24/7/365 with procedures that change their secondary if not primary sexual characteristics.

That said…  I am more likely to think all Catholic priests are pedophiles than I am to think all CDs are.  Further I have known both fetishists and CDs and most CDs are not fetishists.  Nor are most rapists.

Labeling het CDs as nothing but perverts while possibly satisfying is the same sort of bullshit the Taliban Christers throw at us.

I started this blog to move the concept of WBT into the mainstream.  Tina and I never meant it to be the exclusive property of people to use as a club on other people who are also marginalized.

That is horizontal hostility between oppressed groups whose oppression may be different but which is none the less oppression.  Different people’s oppression should not be subject to measuring in some sort of my oppression is bigger than your oppression competition.

Just as there is too much calling of transphobia over stuff that always has been the lot of those who march to a different drummer so to there has been too much childish name calling.

The nayh, nayh, nayh prevents meaningful discourse and leads to people wasting energy engaging in in-fighting.

This is particularly disturbing at a time when getting ourselves depathologized by removing GID from the DSM is probably a more worth while endeavor.

Further we need to do something, come up with something to educate transkids to the risks so we can stop the slaughter of kids like Angie Zapata and Gwen Araujo.  Something more preventative than the Day of Remembrance or even hate crimes law.

This is not to say that probably a good many reading this aren’t already doing things to help make life better for all of us.  Lets stop getting bogged down in name calling.

4 Responses to “A Couple of Words in Defense of Heterosexual CDs”

  1. Catherine Says:

    I agree Suzan. I’m not looking to vilify anyone. I was recently reading some blog where a WBT was against gay marriage. I admit some things I don’t really get sometimes. You would think we would all emerge from the circumstances of our lives a tad wiser or at least more tolerant of others, but we all are free to believe what believe and live as we wish. It’s sort of like the log cabin republicans. Can’t grasp why someone would be one but who am I to say that my views are any more correct than someone else’s?

    I don’t have a problem with any one group under the TG umbrella per se. It is just the umbrella concept in general I have a problem with (you don’t see the G, L & B under a Gay Umbrella) since I’m not sure that the shotgun approach to politics is probably the wisest move in a society that still thinks that the Christian god looks Santa Claus and that some guy lived in the belly of a fish (or whale) for 3 days. I remember reading something about 60% of American’s not believing in evolution so it’s not like the majority of the public is probably going to have the education to understand the diversity of the TG group.

    I don’t have anything against anyone that doesn’t seek to hurt me or those I love (and I mostly mean physically). I don’t see cross dressers as anything other than people deserving of respect like all human beings. Calling names is pointless and doesn’t do anything to further any cause. Though, it’s bound to happen, we all get mad sometimes but usually, when I get mad and look back at what I said or wrote, I feel like an idiot. I’ve found that the minute someone loses their temper, they lose whatever it was they were fighting for if they let it devolve into a name calling match.

    I still can’t wrap my head around why a part time CD would want bathroom and shower rights and the friends I have that do cross dress haven’t ever made that wish known to me and I do think that if the CD community wants rights, they shouldn’t hide in the patriarchal world waiting for the TG community to garner them they rights before coming out, but that’s ultimately just politics. On a person to person basis, I think it’s difficult to hate anyone. Many people have things in their lives they hide from others. I don’t want to see anyone hurt. If people are looking to be upset, I would think the religious reich has done far more to subject anyone that doesn’t follow their dogma to horrible atrocities than anyone under the TG umbrella.

    Anyone that gets to know us as individuals can usually see the differences between those under the TG Umbrella. I don’t think anyone that has ever known me has confused me for a cross dresser, but, like many cross dressers, I don’t want to announce my past so that would be hypocritical of me to fault them for something I’m not willing to do.

    I’m not going to agree with everyone but it doesn’t mean I have the right to treat anyone without the upmost respect. At least that’s what I was taught in my family. I’m just looking to live my life with respect and in a quiet manner. I do think it would have been great if someone asked the transsexual community and the intersexed community if they would mind being hijacked into the TG agenda, but usually the ones who do such things are the minority of any group. When I explain it, most of my TG friends get why my life and needs differ from theirs.

    When we get to know people, I think we find we’re more similar than not and all worthy of respect and kindness.

  2. Suzy CC Says:

    When I began transition I ernestly sought to find others like me, mostly for the reassurance that I was not alone in this, but finding none I gave it up as a lost cause and set about working to fill in the gaps in my life patterning on the women around me.

    Less than six months after I tossed everything remotely male from my life I happened upon some information about IFGE. Hummm Philly wasn’t that far away at the time and this “conference” of theirs was happening that very week. So on a wim I set out for Philly… Mind you at this point I had never met or even talked to another woman of history.

    What an experience! Here I was, wandering round the lobby of an Airport Hotel surrounded it seemed by every point possible in transition. From some who looked liked they shaved that morning and for the first time ever put on woman’s clothing (they had I discovered) to women who were it not for the surrounding company, at the time I would never have been able to pick them out as having history.

    About then a wisened little woman wandered up to me, having noticed my confusion and introduced herself. It was none other than the famous, or infamous if you prefer, Virginia Prince. I didn’t know Vrigia Prince from Adam, heck, I didn’t know squat about anything to be perfectly honest.

    Virginia on the other hand saw in me what she thought to be fertile ground for her cause. Ground so fertile she even offered to share her suite with me gratis. OK… I was poor and so very very out of my league and this offer seemed to be a safe haven in a very weird storm so I took her up on it

    Not the smartest thing I ever did. For the next three days I was her pet project. She worked on me non stop from waking to way past exhaustion in the wee hours of the night. Introducing me to every single trans activist, researcher and and profession trans whatever there was All the while trying mightily to put the idea of a gender continuum into my head as she also tried to talk me out of surgery… As mind you, did many many others… ummm errr, oh what the heck I’m not going to have my surgery tomorrow so its not going to hurt me to stay quiet while I tried to make some sense out of this Alice in Wonderland World rhetoric.

    On the drive home I was, shall we say VERY confused!. Was I really a part of this continuum? Should join their circus and become one of the out and proud? For that matter just who or what was I? I got home, plugged back into the world of ordinary women and quickly all that was forgotten.

    Fast forward a year. I had received brochures for the next conference and decided I wanted to take a second look see.
    My my my what time will tell! When I went the first time I was dripping wet behind the ears. This time, I was a much smarter and far more experienced woman.

    I walked into the very same lobby and there before me were all the exact same characters from the year before looking exactly the same as they had then.

    WTF?

    Even with the years of damage still working its way out of my system it was glaringly obvious I had nothing at all in common with these people. About then I ran into Virginia and said hi., I had been shown by her what I thought was a kindness last time I and from that thought she would be glad to see me and how I had grown. The reaction I got when she put two and two together was not all that dissimilar from what I might have expected had I walked up to her and suggested we go peel and consume a few babies.

    Huh?

    For the next three days I met the few remaining activists, doctors and researchers I’d missed the last time along with the others from the preceding year. What I did not meet was one single woman on the same path as me… There were tons and tons of men with dead cats on their heads wearing ugly or inappropriate clothing. Lots of TG’s of all stripes and yet not one single woman besides yours truly unless you count the few wives there to support hubbies predilection.

    If I thought that the reaction I got from Virginia was extreme it was nothing compared to the reaction I got when I dared to raise the idea that perhaps just perhaps transtion was simply, ummm, a transition? How dare I suggest there may be end point or that it was back in the binary and heretic that I am, I was headed there.

    Needless to say that was the last time I would venture into that world with the exception of my interactions with all the varied others getting SRS when I did.

    The reason I bring up this long winded tale is while I personally have no problems with however anyone whats to live, or dress or act that same respect has NEVER been returned to me. I do not seek to belittle the TG or the TV’s or the fetishists or the gender queer or any other varation of gender expression. While I do not agree with their inclusion into woman’s space I would fight to the death for their right to be who they are and to live free

    Who then I ask is fighting for my rights to simply be me? Why is it to raise the flag of binary, or to say that transition is an event with a beginning and an end. The torches are lit and the bonfire prepared? I can walk away from all this with no problem but I still worry for the women who follow behind me.

    I am not a hater but come on now we have to admit that the actions of the TG-activists are not opening new doors for those who follow but closing them by the score. This is a difficult path but thanks to the laws passed back in the sixties and seventies when it was seen as correction of a mistake and nothing more. It is now possible in all but a few states to quietly set right what was wrong.

    Thankfully with Mad King George out of office and the current distraction of the economy the back lash to revoke those laws has been set aside… for now. Eventually the economy will be set to rights, and that small but very vocal TG group will once again set about using our right to correction as a way to wedge open the door for them to enter into woman’s space.

    So yes while I agree that it is inappropriate to fight, squabble or call names how would you suggest we deal with this seemingly impossible divide?

    Suzy

  3. Ariablue Says:

    Thanks for sharing that, it is very informative. 🙂 It’s disheartening that that my own experience in this regard is not unique, but it’s nice to have my impressions validated by other people. Going through all that stuff can make you question a lot of things, and sometimes it’s not clear what observations you make are accurate, and which are paranoid.

  4. Catherine Says:

    Dear Suzan,

    Thanks so much for sharing your experience. It’s far more far ranging than mine and I’ve learned a lot from your blog. It was also interesting reading about your experience with Virginia Prince. This was a name I had heard of but really knew very little about. Definitely not the kind of person I’d want to meet in a dark alley… I’ve never really had the courage to go to a convention. Maybe “courage” isn’t the right word.. I’m not sure.. But I never was able to get myself to go. With everything that’s happened I’ve been living with a lot of self doubt about how I’ve lived my entire life. After my debacle in South Carolina and hearing a bunch of trans-(fill in the blanks) tell me that I was always have been transgendered (or transsexual) and always would be, it made me doubt that I ever had been a woman. I began to believe that I belonged at the conventions even if it made me uncomfortable. I thought maybe I should join the throng of tg people eager to live their lives as transgendered people. It’s good to know that I probably have made the right decision by not going to conventions after the experiences you’ve written about. Doesn’t sound like my scene, but I guess it’s good for some so I’m glad it’s out there.

    I can’t agree more that transition is just transition. That’s how I always have viewed it. I think it was something I really needed to believe as well and my beliefs were echoed by my parents and everyone in the medical profession at the time. But also, at the time, there weren’t that many of us. I think I would have committed suicide had living as a tg-woman been the only choice. I just don’t have the constitution or perhaps confidence for that kind of life. I’m far too shy. I also transitioned without much knowledge of other trans-people. I remember my father taking me to a meeting my psychologist was holding for his transgendered patients (the majority or which had been denied surgery). I was too afraid to go alone and my father was kind enough to go with me (much to his credit being the manly ex-military guy he was). Upon leaving, he actually forbade me to go back and at that age I didn’t quite get it but I understand now. His exact words were, “You’re not like those people. We’ll take care of this at home”. That was the last time I ever saw another trans person until I was much older.

    The crux of it all was basically when I transitioned, transition meant one thing. SRS. The idea of someone living as a woman but not wanting SRS seemed unthinkable in a way. I’m sure they were out there, but it wasn’t given the same medical attention as the younger transitioners that needed SRS in order to survive. It’s interesting how times change. Now, it seems like FFS is the number one thing people prioritize in order to transition (I’m always amazed at how much people in the TG community dump on FFS and not SRS) and SRS is almost an afterthought. I think this is because of the open door policy that SRS has become which allows pretty much anyone with enough cash to transition at any stage and in any state of mind. Transition isn’t much more than cash spent these days in order to make someone feel better and there’s nothing wrong with that necessarily as long as the person is ultimately happy. Though I’ve begun to have my doubts that many of the people that say they are transsexual are truly transsexual. Surgery, no matter what the type, doesn’t make the woman and more recently, I find it even more interesting that more people are citing intersexuality as the cause for their transition even in their late forties with no real documentation, but I can’t blame them really. Look at the way the TG community is pounded on in the media. Who’d want to be transgendered right now? Especially if you needed to get work in mainstream society in order to survive. I would think all the WBT’s and TG people claiming intersexuality would be kind of a slap in the face of the TG community in a way but it’s a subject that I don’t see brought up very often.

    I agree that I can’t support inclusion of many of the transgender community into women’s spaces and as a woman, I find it somewhat appalling that any woman would use male privilege to force their way in. But they do have a right to freedom and respect as long as it doesn’t come at the loss of freedom or respect for others.

    I also agree that the TG-activists are closing doors for those that wish to live quieter lives or those that aren’t interested in living with a transgendered label stamped upon their foreheads for the rest of their lives. I admit, I was really upset at first about this. I spent a lifetime working for what I had. I had left transition in the past where it belonged (for me). I had a great life as a woman, and then along comes this really diverse group of people that I only shared a passing similarity to and suddenly I’m no longer a woman but a trans-woman. And it seemed the majority of these people who were forcing society to reclassify me were MtF’s (and that’s a really interesting discussion. I find it fascinating that the ones who seem to have most of the power and seek to enforce that power are mostly from the MtF group and not from the FtM community. It’s interesting that that the FtM community doesn’t seem willing to use their male privilege to enforce their agenda as strongly as the FtM community.)
    I can completely understand those in the WBT community that are upset. It’s frustrating to be lumped in with a group of people (or ‘forced’ when male privilege comes into play) that you don’t feel a part of. And it’s frustrating for the many WBTs who, because of their ability to blend into society as they gender they know themselves to be, are unable to access and wield the power of a primarily patriarchal society and defend themselves from re-classification. I see many transitioners (MtF) transition on the job these days and dragging their wives and kids along for the ride because they are unwilling to relinquish the cash and power it has afforded them or their family. The reasons are multiple and usually justifiable. Those who transitioned younger never achieved such power and therefore, for the most part, we were unable to build careers and lives of any real power. Case in point, my parents afforded me the same education and opportunities my brothers had. I spent the first fifteen years of my life with male privilege. Yet, for some reason, neither I nor my sister was granted the same opportunities at power that my brothers eventually achieved.

    The reason I’ve really enjoyed your blog is that you don’t discriminate. I’ve seen some really scary blogs from both schools of thought that I just couldn’t relate to because they were incredibly exclusionary or overly inclusive. Extremes always tend to be unbalanced. When I found this wasn’t a “let’s hate everyone that doesn’t think like me” site I was really pleased. Finally a group of women I could relate to and blogs that really pertained to my life and what I go through as a WBT and young transitioner living in a lesbian relationship. So again, just want to say thank you. I check into your blog daily no matter what part of the world I’m in.

    I’m not sure a blog is enough space to really discuss how women (with WBT) can make their voices heard in the TG community effectively. In order to enact the kind of change we as a group would need would require what many of us don’t have… Power in a misogynistic society.

    We need power, money and the ear of someone at the AMA (or the lawmakers of the male dominated medical community). If there are any WBT people out there with this kind of ability and contacts, then, unfortunately, it would fall on them to get the ball rolling. What I’ve seen with the TG umbrella leaders, for the most part, are that they are older transitioners that maintained their prestige, power and money during and after transition. And this is a fantastic feat actually! Kudos! However, while good for them; their supposition seems to be that what is good for them would be good for all. But this is the privilege many of them have had throughout their lives (having their voices and opinions heard and respected) and one they are unwilling to let go of. And really, it might be for the best, who knows? At least it is the best for them and a large segment of the community they represent. Maybe they are merely the evolution of the trans-anything community. It’s sad that there seems to be no place for those of us who don’t have real power and don’t wish to live as anything other than the gender we know ourselves to be.

    Either way, name calling would ultimately accomplish nothing though, I don’t know about anyone else, it does make me feel better on occasion.. he he.. but name calling is usually the ‘war cry of the loser’. It’s no different than on the playground when we were kids. No matter how well thought out we thought our arguments were, when things got to the point where one side got too mad, someone would call someone a name like “freak”, “gay”, “dumbhead”.. well, you get the idea. I’m sure many of us have heard these taunts. But this would usually be followed by running away. There was literally nothing else to say. It was the exclamation at the end of a statement, so to speak.

    If we are to seek separation from the “umbrella” then we would need the power and money to afford us a separate group and we would need the clout to get the ear of people powerful enough in the psychological and medical communities to hear our plea. In the meantime, I’m all for griping, I guess. I can, for a fact, state that the TG-community has destroyed much of the life I built for myself in ways they cannot comprehend. They don’t seem to understand why I don’t want to run around with a “Transgendered and Proud” T-shirt after 25 years as a woman. But that’s because they don’t represent me or my interests and have taken away something I had worked very hard for and they just don’t understand (and don’t care to understand) me and really, all they care about in the long run is themselves and what they want and demand from others. But that’s like most guys I know. See! I guess I must have run out of anything intelligent to say.. Sorry..


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