I’ve been on line for some 12 years now and I have a reputation as being one harsh bitch.
You wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve been called by Monica Helms, Autumn Sandeen and others. To hear them tell it I am an elitist bigot who hates transgenders and who has disowned and despises the “community”. In fact Autumn Sandeen banned me from Pam’s House Blend. Other places I am silenced even as self-identified transgender activists berate me.
Of course they have a hard time reconciling that with my getting an award from the LA Gay and Lesbian Community Center or my being working class with a history of sex work and substance abuse issues.
I will grant you that some of the things I say seem harsh. The truth often is.
I know because I have a 40 year history. I’ve had many sisters I loved deeply die young so I know how hard this life is. Yet those who have bothered to dig up “Not My Child” from the short lived bisexual ‘zine “Anything That Moves” know that underneath some of the harshness I a soft hearted old woman. The kind who rescues cats and cries for days if she has to put one down.
So that brings me to something I have noticed regarding many sisters who as pre-ops loudly proclaim they would never desert the “community”. That is a phenomena similar to one described in the 1990s as LUG or Lesbian Until Graduation. The one where women have a lesbian relationship in college and go straight after graduation.
So I it comes as no surprise that I often encounter sisters who turn out to be TGUS or Transgender Until Surgery. These are sisters who as pre-ops swear they will never abandon the “community”. Yes Siree, they are rock solid down with their transgender sisters.
Life is full of surprises. No matter how much people think they will be exactly the same person after the operation as they were before, SRS can and often does change everything.
Having a pussy between your legs is different from having “Miss Thang” flattened and tucked between your legs all smushed up and hidden.
Like when I come home from work and change clothes in the summer and throw on a loose skirt with no panties and sigh, “Breathe free little koochie snorker.”
Maybe it starts after the healing finishes and you take a shower and realize, “Hey, this is for real now.”
Of course if things are still like they were way back when all your sister friends have had to check out your puss and ooh and awww over your new reality.
Pretty soon those support groups get boring because unless you are a counselor how many times do you want to rehash the same event.
If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend they start pressuring you to get on with your life. Or maybe you meet someone and get involved. Either way if you have a life it is time to get on with the living of it.
That means less and less time for the “community.” More time for your new life. Maybe you are still friends with some sisters who are also post-SRS and maybe you still pal around together. But soon you start hearing your TG sisters complain about how that now you have a puss you think you are better than they are. You start seeing their world as the trannie ghetto that it is and them as being in a rut.
Then one day you say to yourself, “Fuck this shit.” I have a job, friends, a partner/husband I don’t need the freaking TG drama.”
Then you encounter an old timer, some one you thought was a really harsh bitch a few short years ago and you discover you’ve started to develop the same opinionated ideas regarding the “community”.
The reality is if there is going to be any sort of community for long time post-SRS WBTs that go beyond being small circles of friends then we are going to have to build it. In the mean time it is good to have at least a few sister friends who you can talk to and be with when the dark gloomies descend and the sense of being the only one in the world rears its ugly head as a reminder of the fear that haunted so many of our childhoods.
As an end-note: It always feels good when a sister passes the milestone in her life’s experiences that when we meet again she apologizes for having thought I was so mean and tells me she has come to see I was right.