I have a reputation of being a hard liner on SRS being a dividing point for people with transsexualism. Thing is people assume I’m heartless on this point.
I do think it makes a difference and that pre-ops can’t understand that difference until after SRS.
Ironically a dear friend of mine jokingly called me a transgender sympathizer. I wondered if she actually saw the photographs I showed her of my queen/transgender friends and lovers or heard me mention the hard lives they lived.
Lately I’ve been cutting people a lot of slack and tending to believe them if they say they can’t get SRS because of the cost. I’ve read the unemployment statistics. I too work only part time and not because I wouldn’t work full time but because I am an older worker and if they gave me full time they would have to give me benefits.
I’ve gone through hard times, depression and drug as well as alcohol issues. I’ve been homeless and dependent upon friends for a place to stay.
We are in very hard economic times and those of us on the margins of society are less likely to have work than those with normborn, white skin and class privileges.
Because of this I have decided to shut the fuck up and not be part of the problem and make someone feel worse if they say they want SRS but can not see it as an economic possibility. Maybe in better times I might give y’all a harder time, but not right now.
I’m working class. I know what it is like to be poor.
I’m in a stable relationship now with a family of friends. It is not a time for loners. It is a time for friends to band together and watch each others backs.
If you are still trying to save for SRS you might want to take a page out of the hippies book about sharing living expenses and communal living. Everyone throwing into the pot makes eating cheaper and survival easier.
And for those of us who got our SRS in better times or who are economically well off today and can get SRS plus all the other things we want to look down on poorer sisters and say,”If we could so can you.”, currently looks like and smells like arrogance and class privilege, something that come pretty damned close to the various isms we rightly condemn people for exhibiting.
07/14/2009 at 9:14 pm
Suzy,
I do think in better times more than few (on-line at least) used cost as an excuse because they really did not want SRS very much…
But now it is much more real. Right now I would advise someone NOT to spend their last cent or go into debt for SRS (or FFS) unless they literally could not stay alive withoutit until they saved more money or times get better.
If they lose their job the results could be disastrous. If one winds up at the bottom it’s always very hard to survive never mind get back up and in these times it could be impossible.
BTW on the age thing… I am in my mid 50′s… As my company was having serious problems I started look for another job last fall…In all that time I’ve had only 3 interview and no job offers… And i was professional and have a graduate degree.
I got laid off almost 4 months ago and I am getting very nervous as I WAS by far the principle bread winner.
Thank goodness for the UI extensions and $25/week increase that were in the stimulus bill … it does give me a bit more breathing room.
- Karen
07/15/2009 at 8:15 pm
i’m so sick of hearing “If we could so can you” from privilidged post-ops (yeah, i said it, ‘post-ops’), i’m likely to scratch the eyes out of their sockets if i ever meet them face-to-face.
My 80 hours a week between three jobs has dropped to 40 with only one, thanks to the economy.
i’m depressed and neurotic enough about it as it is, without some condescending, white, high-income professional who is utterly blind to the unfortunate economic reality of others questioning my nature or intentions.
07/16/2009 at 10:15 am
Post-SRS women are not all privileged.
Many of us who come out young are stuck in the same no career other than the sex industry rut that many TGs are in.
Do not mistake those who come out in middle age and seem to dominate the internet discourse. Many had established careers bought with mle privilege and thanks to the extension of anti-discrimination laws manged to keep them.
This is equally true of many TG activists who also come from positions of privilege.
07/17/2009 at 7:17 pm
… And not all of us high-income professionals who happen to be white and late transitioners are blind to the economic reality hitting everyone. Nor am I condescending. I live in both Phoenix, where I have a house in a historic district and I also live in Washington DC, where I share a typical row house with three working class types (2 waitresses and a cook). I pay all of the utilities (it’s not my house, I rent my basement apartment in DC). I have a girlfriend (not trans) in DC for whom I have helped out with over $2000 for rent and car insurance in the past year. I have another non-trans girlfriend in Phoenix that I have given over $8000 over the past two years to help her and her daughter get through the hard times (they are my adopted family).
When I transitioned I had $2,200/month alimony and child support payments to make. I made them. I didn’t pay federal taxes for two years so I could put my oldest daughter through college. I had no money for electrolysis for two years after I transitioned. It took me four years to get SRS and 6 years to get FFS, but every minute was worth it as it wasn’t just about me and my transition. I had people I was responsible for and accountable to.
I transitioned as an independent software contractor in California. The client for whom I was working was amazing and helped me transition in the work-place even though they had no reason to do a thing. There are no “anti-discrimination” laws that cover independent contractors. You work at the whim of the person paying the contract. Period. After 6 months I was hired in Phoenix over the phone. That company was wonderful … I was pre-op and looked every bit of it. After 1 1/2 years I got a new gig in Houston, again over the phone. That lasted 2 days (guess why?). After crying for a day I went back to Phoenix and got my old contract back for another 6 months. Then it was onto DC where I interviewed for two jobs and got two offers in the same day (this is all pre-op, no surgery nor electrolysis God help me) … I don’t know how I made it through the interview process looking like I did.
Daughter #1 graduated from college and the second after she told me she had her diploma I called Thailand and got my SRS date. After I recovered from that surgery I positioned my younger daughter in San Francisco and paid her rent for 5 months and supported her while she looked for work. She’s doing fine now and paying her own bills.
Today I am most often the only white woman on the bus going to work in DC. And being 6′ tall is no picnic, but now I am completely viewed as a woman and passing privilege is finally mine. I worked hard for my surgeries, my career, my children, my friends, and whatever measure of financial success I had. There were no lovers. I didn’t have the time nor the energy to give anyone. Now I am finally dating and enjoying the company of men. My life is full, but it has come after 6 years of transition and struggle.
No, I was never homeless … I had food and didn’t have to drown my sorrows in bottles or pills. I never had to hook for a living. But it WAS a struggle and I am not apologizing to anyone for my place in the world.
The above rant aside, I understand how difficult it is to get money for surgery when one can barely hold onto a job and many have reduced or no income. I empathize. I wish I could help you too. I give money to TYFA (Trans Youth Family Allies) and to This is HOW, an outreach in Phoenix that works to get girls off the street and sober. This white, high-income professional woman tries, really she does.
Good luck to us all.